March 30, 2024 Brianna Nicole Austin no responses

Truth or Dare

Have you ever wondered what taking hormones would be like? If it would make you look, feel, and act more like the girl you sometimes dream of becoming? Have you ever said, “I’ll just try it and see if I like it?” Here’s the answer – you will love it, which may be a problem. 

Just as our dressing habits evolve over the years, so too do our desires, emotional state of mind, and fantasies. I can remember when going out in public was the extent of my female goals. For some of us that is not enough and we continue to go through growth stages pushing the envelope towards the ultimate girl experience. In the past few years hair removal has become all the craze, and, of late, it seems that the use of female hormones in the cross-dressing and transgender community is on the rise. 

The first change you notice when taking hormones is the softening of the skin (the herbals don’t compare.) Then, when you get your first estrogen surge you’ll think you are in girl utopia. Orgasms? All I can say is WOW!!! Many, however, experience a reduction in their erection capability, and those who use testosterone blockers may even lose the ability to get an erection altogether. But you can still climax, and when you do, you sometimes feel it from head to toe – leaving you with only the slightest comprehension of what it must be like for a GG when she has an earth-shaking “he rocked my world” orgasm. 

Sounds pretty good, yes? Well, it gets better and worse. Your body will start to shift the fat content and sure enough, your bottom will round, and fat will move to your hips making them appear wider (though the bone structure doesn’t change). You will lose muscle mass in your legs, arms and back making them appear leaner and more shapely, and your face will attain secondary female characteristics (such as a softer appearance, translucent skin & slower hair growth). Still interested? Well then, keep reading. 

About ten months to a year down the road the itching in your breast tissue will have ceased though you will still experience soreness and tenderness on your nipples, and the area surrounding them. A few weeks later – ever so slowly – the nipples will start to grow, and a gland – which, your male body never intended for you to have, will have developed behind the nipples causing the breasts to grow. Hey, it’s reality check time girls. Did you say you had made a firm commitment to transition? Were you diagnosed a transsexual and ready for HRT? No? Then why the hell are you taking hormones, idiot? 

You are now at the crossroads of a serious dilemma. Either you:

1) stop dead in your tracks

2) make the committed decision to fully transition and live as a woman, or

3) live as a man/CD with tits!!!! 

If you do choose to stop, however, it may be very difficult to give up those changes that you so excitedly welcomed and have come to enjoy for the past year. How do I know? Oh, I forgot to tell you – I’m one of the idiots. 

Dr. Harry Benjamin wrote papers on transition and his studies became the standard guideline used by health professionals regarding transsexuals. They (the guidelines) are stringent, but in hindsight, I now understand their purpose – to prevent a short-term thrill from becoming a long-term nightmare. With hormones so easily obtained through foreign manufacturers via the Internet, too many girls are plunging in and completely ignoring the mental, emotional, and physical preparation required for such a decision. This is an open invitation for emotional instability and health risks such as heart problems, stroke, or blood clots. Still, sound fun and exciting? There’s more. 

I watched a friend completely transition last year. When her dosage reached the stage where the female hormones were at war with the male hormones, fighting for control of the body, she was disoriented and confused while her brain was changing its thought processes. We would leave her sister’s house and she would have to phone back to get directions of where she parked her car. To hear her tell it “It was hell”. Her advice was that “if you can live a productive life as a man, then you should remain a cross-dresser and call it a day. Transition is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it was much more difficult than I could have ever imagined. But, I had no choice, I was born a woman – just in the wrong body. If I did have a choice, I would never have chosen this.” 

“Taking hormones for the benefit of easier girl maintenance is as absurd as taking heroin to relax”, Lisa Jackson once told me. I have always been known to “tell it like it is”, so when a friend asked me why I don’t come clean and reveal what I know firsthand, even though I would have to admit my foolishness, it was Truth or Dare time. Even now knowing I am TS, I still wasn’t ready to start hormones when I did. So I hope bringing these realities to light prevents someone else from either making a big mistake, or jumping in too soon, and without the proper care.

I can’t stress enough the importance of doing your homework, making sure that such a decision is what you want, and if so, doing it the right way. It seems trendy these days for CD’s to identify as TG, which they assume is a TS in training. But it’s not a stepping stone as some people think, from fetish to CD to TS. It doesn’t work like that, you’re either born TS or you’re not.

Here is my crude but simple transition test: 

1) are you ready, actually relieved at the idea of cutting your penis off? 

2) If you couldn’t live as a woman would you consider suicide? 

If you answer yes to these questions, then you are ready for step two – get a therapist. “Drama Of The Gifted Child” has a chapter about therapists, and it suggests that some therapists can do more harm than good, treating you for THEIR best interest, not yours. And just because a therapist is transgender doesn’t make them the best either. 

Do the homework to find the right therapist – It’s not about grades, it’s about your life.

As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.


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Brianna Nicole Austin is an author, writer, columnist and journalist and editor of from New York City, now living abroad.
Brianna Nicole Austin